Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Do or do not. There is no try.

"Fall down 7 times, get up 8."

Because I haven't been training at all lately due to freak-random sickness and work (weeks later and I'm still living in Malaysia time), I'm going to write about something I've been having an issue with for awhile now: Fear.

Epic exaggeration to add to my tale
Sit back, relax, and let me tell you a story of when I attempted to do a side kick and fell straight on my head. I clearly remember being so absolutely flustered that day and did not enter training with a clear mind. Next thing you know, I'm eating tile floor. White flash. Black flash. And I was back, with a nice lump on my head.

I learned two things from that moment. One: it is SO absolutely pivotal that you clear your mind before training. Seriously folks. Right before I attempted that side kick, Coach Glen saw what I was doing wrong, told me what not to do... then seconds later I did it. Genius. Literally in one ear and out the other because my mind wasn't in it. I suppose this was the good thing that came from eating tile floor... now when I'm riding the bus to the rec center, I take that time to rid myself of everything that's happening in life and become just a student. For the next 2 hours I only need to think of one thing: martial arts.
Much love Rampage, much love.
The second not so good thing that came from that moment was fear. Now, at every single fricken class, I find myself battling... myself. I honestly can't remember the last time I threw a proper roundhouse kick. And now when I spar, I've seemed to abandon kicks all together (besides an inside low kick, where it's nice and safe). I'VE BECOME RAMPAGE (which isn't a bad thing mind you, but the dude never kicks). 

This mental barrier has been growing SO infuriating as of late, that I find myself arguing with myself (inside my head of course) while sparring (I'm not crazy, I swear). I'll often have those moments of "You could've kicked him there! WHY didn't you kick him?" or "Chicken shit." My kicking form has gotten so ugly because I refuse to stand on the balls of my feet. I freak when I have to attempt to throw a kick for sparring, to the point where it's back to my leg looking like a dead fish being slapped around.

The thing is, I know what I have to do overcome. I've had moments like this before where fear played a factor but for whatever reason back then I said "NOT TODAY FOOL." Ages ago, I attempted Parkour. Yes Parkour. I hit up a local group headed by this awesome Venezuelan named Ozzi who I ate dry dog food with. Weird times. It didn't last long as I was uber lame back then and couldn't grow comfortable with being the only girl at that time in their group. ANYWAYS, there was this drill we had to do where we had to jump from one wood box to another. The distance was pretty damn far for the average person. I remember standing at one box, looking at the other end, looking to Ozzi, then to my feet thinking "There is no way in hell I'm making this jump. NO way. It isn't humanly possible for my non-athletic, Spud Webb-like-frame to make this jump." Ozzi was somehow in my mind, pulled a Yoda on me with a "Do or do not. There is no try" and seconds later I leaped and actually made it to the other box. Monumental times.

Which brings me to... why can't it be the same for this? Why can't I overcome this fear? I honestly think (and I've told this to several people) that I just need to fall on my head again. Or just fall down a 1000 times on a matt and get it out of my system. Seriously. Anyone else ever have this problem? I'm tired of being a victim of my own mind. 

In other news, people are starting to treat me like a student and not a girl. Sweet. Not sure if it has to do with the fact that my coach reads this blog and randomly yelled out "Don't treat her like a girl! HIT HER!" to one of the guys that was drilling with me one time haha. I love my coaches. It's not that I want to be one of the guys, but like I said, I ain't gonna learn crap if people give me the easy way out. Everything I've ever done would be pointless if that was the case (in my humble opinion).

After a weird and frustrating hiatus, it's back to business today. Can't wait.

1 comment:

  1. Great entry.

    The sad thing about Rampage is - the dude can do pretty much everything, but chooses to just box.